Tomorrow Was Too Late

"If today was your last day, tomorrow was too late, could you say goodbye to yesterday?"
-Nickelback

Perhaps it is an old fashioned notion, but it is something I have come to realize as I have been studying my scriptures. God has warned us that we are living in the last days before the second coming of Christ. We don't know if it will come tomorrow, in a month, a year, a decade, or a century. Time is relevant to God, but it will be soon. He has promised us that much, he has given us signs and warnings and even hope of something to look forward to.

But, eternal life is not free. If it were free there would have been no probation period to gain our bodies, there would have been no veil. Our lives are our test, our final test before judgment, and I don't know about you, but I am tired of filling in a pattern on my bubble sheet.

I believe in immortality for all mankind, everyone will be resurrected and brought before God and Christ to be judged of our works. I do not believe that immortality is enough. I want to strive for eternal life, which is more than just living forever because it is living forever with God. I want to be exalted on high because I endured well and to the end and came out with all the right bubbles filled in.

I am not saying that I will never make mistakes, and God doesn't expect perfection from any of us, but he expects us to have the faith and the conscience to repent of our sins and accept the atonement that his son so graciously suffered for our sakes. I know that if I repent of my sins with faith in my Savior that I can be exalted and live in the highest degree of the celestial kingdom for all of eternity with my family.

"And he shall come into the world to redeem his people; and he shall take upon his the transgressions of those who believe on his name; and these are they that shall have eternal life and salvation come unto none else."  Alma 11:40

So, if today is our last day, and tomorrow is too late...are you prepared? Are you ready to stand before God with all your sins cleansed? Are you prepared to be judged of your works? Are you prepared to turn in the answer sheet you know is worthy of an A, or are you going to turn in a Christmas tree and cross your fingers? I know that when I meet God and I stand before him, I want to have tried my hardest to make right all that I have done wrong. I want to be cleansed of my transgressions and forgiven for my mistakes.

I intend to live righteously that I may gain what I was sent here to strive for: Eternal Life.

 

Faith- to hope for things not seen, which are true

 

 

Sincerely,

SamanthaMarie

Wherfore Art Thou Answer?



In a different time there lived a poor man who wanted to court a woman of a higher class simply because he loved her. The woman was fair and wealthy and honest, but she was also very proud.

This man met amongst the suitors on a cold October night. Amongst the suitors he noticed: the brawn, the rich, the proud, and the greediest man in the kingdom. Each man was required to present themselves to the father and the woman one at a time. So all the men gathered in front of the house, where the father and daughter were seated.

The first man knelt awkwardly with all his muscle and stated, "With me at your side you will always be safe from harm. I can protect you from all your enemies and will bring honor if ever a war is fought."

The second man bowed where he was and stated simply, "With me you can have all your hearts desires. I can shower you in riches of gold, silver, and, silk."

The third man walked up o the father with his nose in the air and did not kneel or humble himself before him and said, "Choose me, and you will have made the obvious choice."

The fourth man walked up and knelt grandly to the father, kissing his shoes and touching his silk robes, "Your daughter's dowry is substantial, her figure inspires envy among all the other women. She would be a trophy on my arm, grant me your daughters arm that I may display her."

The fifth man, young and poor, quiet through each suitors address walked slowly forward, removed his working cap, and bowed to the father in respect. He then turned and bowed to the woman, meeting her eyes as he nervously began to speak, "My lady, you are truly the most beautiful maiden, in both heart and mind, I have loved thee since first hearing your laugh. I cannot promise to bring honor by war or that I will always be able to keep you safe. But I will try. I cannot buy you everything you want for I am poor, but you will never go without what you need. I cannot tell you that I am the best choice for you to marry, only time will tell. I care not about your dowry. Miss, I love you. What I can offer you is a love so pure, and I will promise you happiness if you become mine. We will get by, even if times are hard. We will have children and we will raise them as partners. So, please," with a glance at the father, he takes another step forward, grabs her hand and kneels, "will you have me? to love and to hold, forever and eternity?"

...

You ever needed to make a life changing decision and not known whether you should follow your heart or your mind? I usually go with my mind, the more analytical side of me...to be completely honest it is kind of a war that my mind is always winning. The day my heart wins a small battle I will fall in love. The day my mind loses will be the day I find my soul mate.

Now to figure out the equation for the rest of the decisions in life that I am dealing with...the battles continue day by day: Heart vs. Mind. Oh, Decisions, decisions.

Adjudicate-to make a decision.

 

 

Sincerely,

SamanthaMarie

Doodle-Writing!

Whenever I feel the need to write, but I can't think of anything amazing, I do an exercise I call "doodle-writing" and it really is just that! I create a story around one word and go from there. It is easy, fun, and I can sometimes get interesting little blurbs of writing. I love it and enjoy it, it is one of the perks of writer's block. I think it serves the same purpose as an artist doodle or sketch; it gets my mind in the right place to write. Please keep in mind that my blog is very informal, and so are my doodles. I don't write them professionally, and they aren't intended to be taken as such.

*Everything I write in a doodle is fiction, any similarities are purely coincidental.*

" I watch as the rain gets stuck in the tiny squares of the screen door, very little water actually splattering on the wood floor. I watch as the droplets get stuck in the mesh pattern knowing I should get up and close the sliding glass. My mind, however; is somewhere else. It wanders through the backyard and over the fences; three doors down. That is where it all happened. Or at least the only thing I seem to be able to think about anymore. That is where I left my self-motivation. Since that night I haven't done anything, gone anywhere. I am not worth anything anymore. They ruined me.

Perhaps I am being too dramatic, I never actually said no or stop I don't think, and it was my fault for having drunk anything in the first place...but do I really blame myself for what they did to me? No. I could never blame myself for their actions. I just blame myself for not stopping it. For not...telling someone. I never will though. I never can. I am ashamed of the lack of control I had over the situation. But three against one? That is not fair.

It was weak of me not to stand up for myself, I allowed myself to be vulnerable, to be hurt. I know that shutting people out wont help, but at least it wont hurt me anymore. I wont have to cry about it, I wont have to talk about it. I don't want to. I just want to disappear. "

Wow. that was depressing, and I am not sure how I feel about it at all. It kind of scares me. Then again...I don't know, I think there is beauty to it as well. I think it is definitely depressing though. I need to write more cheery stuff...but sometimes the cheery stuff is harder to write. I think there is a wider spectrum of writing that can be done in negative situations than happy ones. I mean think about it, all the novels focused around suspense, mystery, murder solving, war...maybe it is easier to address the negative psych than the positive one. Maybe it is just easier for people to connect with. I wish I could write more positive and make people experience strong happy emotions. Of course, sometimes the negative ones do make me feel better about my life. They are like a slap in the face that says, "Stop complaining, it could be worse!" I don't know, maybe it is just me.

For those of you who want to try it the word the story ignited with was "ruin". The word popped into my head and I started writing. I don't know why, but I honestly believe that rain is sad in stories and happy in reality. I personally love rainy days, and dancing in the rain, but when it comes to movies and books it adds a gloomy outlook. It is an amazing tool to use weather to convey an emotion or a thought. You may notice it more from now on how an author slips in little details that tell you about a setting lighting. If it is raining outside your mind may think of it as cloudy and grey, giving the whole story a gloomy feel from one sentence. I mean, imagine how much different the tone would be if I had started it with:
"The sun shone brightly, reflecting of the smudged glass of the dirty window, sending rays of light to every corner of the room."
Completely different setting just because of a few words.

 

Outlook-mental attitude or view; perspective on; point of view.

Sincerely,

SamanthaMarie

Converted and Proud

BRAINWASHED!! Yes, I am a convert. Yes, I truly believe in my religion. No, they did not "brainwash" me.

Since being baptized into the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints I have gotten a ton of grief; from family, friends, and even strangers. The truth is, I chose to become a Mormon of my own free will because, crazy as it may seem to you, I actually believe the doctrines. I know, insane reason to join a religion. I did not join for a guy, I did not join because I was pressured into it...I joined because I prayed about the Book of Mormon and continued reading and studying and found it in my heart to be the true church of God. You may not agree with it, but that is what free agency is for right? As I have continued to study my scriptures and learn I have yet to change my mind. I made the right decision for me.

For those of you who think it was easy, trust me, it really wasn't. in the back of my mind the entire time until being baptized (and even a few low moments since) I have asked myself, "What if it is the wrong decision?" but I knew in my heart that it wasn't. It hasn't been easy to fully incorporate it into my life. I still have problems remembering that the first thing I need to do everyday is pray. Sometimes I forget when I go to bed too, and studying everyday needs to be a priority, but time gets in the way. I am truly working on managing my time around it (which is easier said than done when you already had a set routine) and I am getting better. I am not to the level I would like to be though, and I want to be on a consistent level before I start the process of becoming a missionary.

I know it is controversial in public to go door to door, I have been the person who has pretended not to be home, or politely closed the door a little more and a little more until the pioneers get cut off by the closing of the door. I have thrown away magazines from Jehovah's Witnesses knowing if my dad or grandma saw me do it I would get grounded (My dad's family are all witnesses, talk about a conflict of interest!). But I now know, now that I believe, WHY the missionaries go door to door and deal with rude or disinterested people. It is our duty to share the gospel, and God will allow us to touch the hearts of those we teach if we are righteous, have faith, teach with the spirit, and endure. I know that it is my duty, and my privilege to have the opportunity to serve God and to preach his gospel, and I am truly excited to say that I intend to serve a mission in a year!

I am also very scared because I am a convert and I know people automatically think that means I don't know anything, but the truth is, I know more than a lot of kids my age who grew up in the church know. I didn't get to attend primary, seminary, or more than 5 weeks of young women's before I graduated, but I know a lot because I want afraid to ask questions and search for answers on my own. It has been hard the last week because my normal "go-to" person for answers recently left to serve his own mission, IN AFRICA!! But it has just put more pressure on me leaving my comfort zone to ask questions of other people, and to search even more and into deeper scripture and doctrine to find my answers, and I am proud to say that I am becoming a better person because of the changes I have already made in my life.

 

Proselytize-to convert, be born again, or advocate.

 

 

Sincerely,

SamanthaMarie

Starting Over

Hello, blogging world! I have been debating this for a long time, but I was scared people in my inner circles would think I was only starting one because one of my friends did...I got over that. I am not sure exactly what I am going to write about, or if any of my posts will be connected. I am sure they will surprise me as much as they surprise you. I suppose it will simply be my mind, ideas...and maybe some previews to my writing...MAYBE! I know that most people (if any actually do) wont read this, but at least I wont keep debating it, right? I am just going to talk as if tons are though; makes it more worthwhile I think.

Well, since, most of you don't know me, my name is Samantha Marie Lawson. I grew up in Oroville, Ca. I am Mormon. You may ask, "Why is that important?" Well, it is very important to me and I am positive that at least a few of my posts will be somehow related to religion and my beliefs. If you don't agree with my beliefs then please don't comment and bash, and if you want to know more then just ask in comments, I will try to answer any questions I can.

Now, I am not saying that all my posts are going to be about my religious beliefs (although my opinions will be all over the place!) because quite honestly I haven't always had it in my life and while it is a very high priority to me, it is not the only thing in my life. I am, however; determined to incorporate it into my life more and more each day, especially now as I prepare to prepare to serve a mission (yeah, I know that sounds weird). Please feel free to ask questions and to not be upset if my opinion clashes with yours, for I will always answer honestly and with my own opinion, not a borrowed one.

I intend to become the person I want to be for the rest of my life over the course of the next year, and I know that it will be a long journey because there are some quirks and habits that I have that I cannot stand in other people let alone in myself. So, this is me, Starting Over.

 

Ameliorate-to make or become better; to improve.

 

Sincerely,

SamanthaMarie